I HATE MY JOB

Dear Mr. Cocktail,

It's official. I hate my job. It's been a roller coaster to downhill with my work.
I'm hating my job for many reasons..

a. We don't get over time.

I work around 10 to 12 hours a day but I never complaint. I got home so late, to tired to even have dinner,    went to sleep with my working clothes on, wake up at midnight then remember to change my clothes then back to sleep
I came to the office on Saturday just to help out
Did I complaint? No. Why? I was expecting that after I show my Company my dedication and hard work, the Company will give me more appreciation (a.k.a more money) hehe 

Month pass by, this new Company is settling down, not much to do now.. I'm on a daily-routine-work. Everyday is the same.. but I still can't go home early. My work hour ended at 5.30 PM. but I have to stay until 7 PM. Even tho I have nothing to do. Why? because my Manager said so.
We call that "The Power of Position" 
I used the extra one and half hour surfing on the net, play games, reading blogs. Still no complaint.

So work more then 8 hours with no overtime.

b. We don't get benefits.
ooouu yeaaahh.. we don't get any benefits from Company. At my first interview I ask about the beneficial, and they said "this Company is still new, we are still on to it". but I worked here past my probation, and still I haven't heard any about what we'll get. No health assurance?  No reimburse? so whenever I got sick from over working myself.. I spend more money then actually making it. Sucks? Big time!

I was patience enough at work, I'm try to stay positive.. thinking, "hey, might get a raised at the end of the day". but I was wrong....
Big Boss was not from Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia, he lives and spend most of his time in Medan, one of the biggest city in Indonesia. When my first and second interview with him, he promise a raise but when Branch Manager talk to him recently about giving raise to the employees.. he said "No" the reason is because he paid enough, he said the salary we get if it's in Medan that amount of money will get you everywhere. I was amaze with his "intelligence"... the living cost in Jakarta is like 3-4times more expensive then in Medan. His employee and his brother who came visit us from Medan always complaint how everything is so expensive.. I can't believe he is so stupidly blind.

Pays like shit - no benefits - no overtime

but I was still patience, until

c. Lost My Family and Social Time
I feel this the most recently...  especially with sister who is getting married, I haven't been spending time with my sisters and mum like I should have. I'm the last person who knows about things.. I missed family dinner, I missed family function. it's sad...
I also haven't been hanging out with my friends as much.. I feel like a bad person because of this job.

and now my sister is getting married in 2 weeks, and my nephew from England is getting married here in a week (he is marrying my bestfriend) so all my family from England will be here on Wednesday.. they will attend my nephew and my sister wedding.
There will be a lot of family gathering (lunch, dinner, wedding, after party and all) I really don't wanna miss this

And I don't think that my Boss will give me leave for my nephew and sister wedding. I told Branch Manager about it and her respond was "wow thats a lot of leave" (I only ask for 3 days) "Let's talk about it tomorrow", but we never talk about it..
I don't know what to do now..
all I know is, I've been applying for new job. I don't think this job is worth that much to ruin my relationship with my love ones.


and now for my last reason

d. They block the Internet surfing, Google, everything except E-mail
Now I can't read blogs at my office!! suuuuuccckkkss biiigg time!! but hey, you come to the office to work. fine
if they block facebook, twitter, youtube, porn site, I don't actually mind. But my "Intelligent smart" Big Boss told the I.T to block ALL sites except email, banking and google. The shit thing is.. when you open google and the news site .. you can't open the link. All of them.. *pointless

So I CAN'T DO MY F&*%$** JOB

how the hell can I made online reservation, look for information and shit?????!!!!
I told this to the General Affair to please explain to Big Boss that I need the google to work, but his response is, "I told him, but he wants it all block" told the Branch Manager too.. but she only give me a faint smile

WTF???

it's not just me who is having trouble at work doing my job, also others. 
at this point I had enough. I can't work under a moron. I really wish I find a new job soon before I start stabbing Big Boss and Branch Manager in my dream. I tried to calm my self at Yoga but at the end of the class .. my mind was smiling but I kept repeating "kill .. kill .. kill" in my head. I start to sound like this devil worshiper or a psychopath hahahahaha I might try Muay thai after the weddings (avoiding bruises before the weddings) Punching and kicking people might help with my silence stress

So now whenever I got home, I try my best to read all the blogs that I follow, and read all their new post
(I haven't check bloglovin in 2 days there's around 280 new post unread) *sigh


Note: I really wish Indonesia is not a corrupt country so I can sue this Company and make myself filthy rich. but sadly, in here you can buy the law...

wooooshaaaaaa... beee positiiiveeeeeee (kill kill kill) hahahaha

oh well, I hope everything will be fine soon.. and I hope you have better weeks that I am.

Gud Nite World,



Ms. S

ONROP Musikal

Dear Mr. Cocktail,

Last Sunday I went with my friend Mr. Irz to watch Onrop Musikal by Joko Anwar at Taman Ismail Marzuki.

I have long waited to watch this show. Somehow I get all excited and hype. When I saw their rehearsal video and their audition video I found out one of my friend is one of the cast. she plays as the babysitter and one of the bum??
I ask my sisters and friends to come watch with me (this is before all the fusses begin) but no one gave an answer, except Mr. Irz.

... oh well ....

My mood have not improve that day, I was hoping that Onrop will change it.
I kept thinking about Mr. Sing, the surgery and family drama. huuuhhhmmpp... tired.


Mr. Irz pick me from my house. I was so tired, I slept in the car on our way to TIM.
when we got there, you can tell how overly excited Mr. Irz. He keep on talking on and ooonnn..made me even more crankier..
I was thankful when we got seated I can sit in silence. I can't wait for the show to start.

ONROP MUSIKAL

Onrop - Porno *spell backwards
(no wonder I enjoy this show hahaha )

a Love story

Taken place in Jakarta, Indonesia 2020. A time where the anti onropgraphy and onrop-action law have  deprive women, homosexual, artist and their rights to express.

Women must not show their bare skin, not allowed to show their sexuality and you can't express you affection in public. Homosexual are prohibited. Artist must not shown any nudity, sexual content in their arts, not even the word "nude".

Police Moral will arrest anyone who violates and will be exile to Onrop Island. Onrop Island is known to be this scary place full of criminals and people who live there are cannibal and such. But it's not!! it turns out to be this love free island where you can express yourself without worry. (the government doesn't know about this)

The adventure of Bram (a conservative guy, religious book writer) and Bram longtime girlfriend, Sari (young free-spirited girl, a rebel) with the accompanied of Bram personal assistant Amir (who is gay, pretended to be straight) begin when Bram got exiled to Onrop Island.
 

onrop audition and practice. youtube.
....

Onrop became the first theater work of writer and director Joko Anwar. He started working on this since 3 years ago. Joko Anwar feel the need to criticize about the new Indonesian Law about Pornography and Pornoaction. He feel annoyed that people in the government act as if it's "ok" to be intolerance for people to express themselves (agree!!)

Choreograph by Eko Supriyanto, he successfully made the show fun, energetic and lively. Nusantara Symphony Orchestra with conductor Indra Perkasa, all the talented cast of Onrop and the rest of the crew made the show a Big Hit.

...

The show was funny and provocative.. you can tell the audience loved it.
There's some sarcastic joke about recent political issues such as the "handshake" Mr. Tiff Sembiring, and "Gayus runaway to Bali", even on the song lyrics are a bit "naughty".. example:

"ini pengadilan terhormat, sering dijadikan tempat bisnis"

"This honorable court is often used as a place of business"

Not all song criticize about the corruption and the law. At Onrop island most of  the song is about love and religion tolerance.

"Buat apa kekerasan kalau kita bisa berkesenian"

"why need violence when we can be artistic"

"Pulau cinta, jangankan banci, orang sinting saja kami terima"

"love island, not just sissy, crazy people we accept"

(sorry for my rough translation)

Although there some minuses, like there's a problem with the sound system. Sometime I can't really hear what they were saying or singing.. and the dancing are not that synchronize. Predictable storyline but overall it was really GOOD. Really make you think about freedom of expression. Freedom of human rights.

I was laughing, giggling, smiling and thinking at the same time.

Onrop received a lot of good review from all sort of media. 

here's some review from TheJakarta post

and a few comment from twitter-land

@ms_citra: Done watching ONROP. Great script, awesome cast, cool setting, inspiring music, overall perfect combo of greatness!! Must see guys! #Onrop

@Adriandhy: With it's production designs, choreography & satirical yet meaningful worthwhile script, Onrop! musikal was a brilliant social wake up call.

and many more, but i can't be bother copy-ing them all hehe

here's some picture..

my silver seat tickets

view from where I'm sitting. not bad 'eh

 

Bram, Sari and Police Moral. courtesy onropians

Bram and Sari. courtesy onropians

all cast. closing. the end.

....

It was afternoon when I got back home. I was still tired but my mood was so much better after the show
Mr. Irz drop me home... but before he let me go. He ask me a question..

"Oh! shit" that was my first reaction, I didn't say it out loud but I guess my face expression did.

"yes?"
"I want to ask you something I ask couple days ago"
"what was that???"
"what happen if I like you", he said

"WHAT!!! WTH", I scream inside my head. I tried my best to act cool.. but my nervous finger betrayed me.

 "humm.. you didn't ask me that couple days ago. If I'm not mistaken you ask me "what happen if someone older like you?" you didn't say You like Me..!", I said

"uhm.. yeah, ok. now you know. I like you"
"Thank you I guess"
"and.. I want to be your boyfriend"

(-___-!!)  ... suddenly I feel I'm back in highschool. I haven't been ask to be a girlfriend for a long time. Usually it just goes with time.  You get to know, you flirt, you like each other, you kiss.. sex.. the comes relationship or relationship then sex. That's how I usually do.. anyway.

"ehmm.. ee.. uhmmm" took me awhile to answer.
"I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment", I said. I lied.

"I think you should know from how I behave around you and other boys.. that I treat them as my friend. Only because, after my last break-up. I made a promise that I need to concentrate on Myself". again I wasn't being completely honest. I did. But now I have someone else that caught my attention. Of course I can't tell Mr. Irz that.. It'll broke his heart.. scratch that it'll broke his confidence.

"I notice that but I'll wait for you, I'll wait until you're ready"

Shit! I should have been honest with him.

"don't!! you'll waste your time.. I don't need any boys drama at the moment", I have plenty already without you adding it up..
"I understand, I've been there and now I don't want to be alone, I want to be with you"

"you're not listening"
"I listen"
"you listen but you're not hearing me! I want to be alone now."
"Good for you that you've been there and done that. But I haven't and don't wait for me, please don't wait", I said

At that moment I was panicking. I don't know what to say. I'll feel so bad if I tell him the truth.
"I don't like you, not even a little. I have no sexual desire towards you at ALL!!" and I know for sure in the future I wont change my mind. Your presence didn't make my heart race, my body temperature rise, my armpit sweats.. or my vagina twitch. hahaha.. *very vulgar ( I didn't tell him this )

he look at me with sad face.. hoping I'll change my mind

so I say, "I consider you as a friend. I like you.. as a friend"
"I just don't.." I can't finish my sentence at that point. I don't have the heart.

I look at the window... thinking what should I do now...
My fingers start tapping randomly... nervous? yes.

I start making fun of the awkward situation.. he start to relax a little
I smile and I thought.. that I need to take time off from him. Give him a little distance..

"can I go now?", I ask
"yes .... "

we kiss on both cheek - to cheek (typical Hi and Goodbye in Jakarta)

I left his car

I feel bad.. but hey.. at least I was nice. I try to..
but I think I should be more honest next time.

I got home..


5 minutes later


*one new message*

"I just got home, I really enjoy onrop. what are you doing?", Mr. Irz

Aaarrgghh!!!!

*delete*

Nite2 :-P

S

PBUS

Dear Mr. Cocktail,

I feel  much better this couple of days about me "handling" my post-break up syndrome. I finally start to read "Eat Pray Love", I know it's a bit late, I just bought the book, I have been spending my money to buy shoes. Heaps of shoes!! which really didn't help me recover from my broken heart but it help making me looking super fabulous!

This book would be one of the few books that creep me out a little :-p and somehow I'm still on progress..I haven't finish reading it after 4days!

Creep me out, only for one reason.. I feel Liz and I have a few similarity. Yes, she's a divorcee and I'm not. But same x-boyfriend name and same ambition to travel and Yoga. The same longing.. (and in some part I can feel her pain)

On The verge of Heartbreak Painting by Darryl Kravits

Couple days after my relationship ended,
I realize how stupid this break-up have made me, how pathetic it made me..
in effort to "act" like everything is OK.

I made "5 New Things I need to do" (I posted it on my twitter) suppose to make me feel better..

1. No more egg benedict at KOI for brunch (remind me too much of him even tho' it's delicious!!)
2. Cut my hair (I heard it's a tradition)
3. Join a Yoga class (so I can look super Hot, and make him regret. Silly, but it made me feel better just to think about it)
4. Buy a new earphone (I know this one is super-lame, didn't actually thought it clearly)
5. Go out and get drunkly-fun (this is not new, but I haven't done it for so long it had to be a New)

May I remind you, "this break-up made me a little less-smarter" :-)

I have done all the above except number 3 & 5. I already called the Yoga class but since it's Ramadhan month lot of the classes are canceled. So, I'll join around end of September or early October. Party like a rock star??? well.. again since it's Ramadhan. Most of the Club either closed or No Alcohol or Only Open till 2am. Sucks!!!!

(but I did went to a club Domain couple weeks ago *Ramadhan month, after a friend Birthday party at his house. I saw my ex. Thank God! I was a little bit high from smoking joints. I survived!! but didn't party like a rock star.. my mind wonder off, kept thinking about him)

Aneeways, back to Eat Pray Love.
I'm not a slow reader. Just some how reading this book.. made me daydream/fell asleep. I'll be drooling in my sleep/wide awake wishing I'm in Rome eating Gelato or in Naples eating pizza... and so on. I haven't finish reading it. So, can't talk much about it.

Let's get back to my PBUS.
after weeks of feeling miserable and feeling hurt, I have made a decision. An effort to move-on. (I have thought about moving on for awhile but still cried at night and lock myself in my room) it's easier to said then done.

Now, I finally have the strength to close that "door". I have control myself from peeking. I erase all his picture from my mobile, not contacting my friends who also his friend *for awhile*, stop looking at his facebook, erase all his text bla bla bla. Was so afraid to open my pictures media on my phone 'cus I don't want to see his face. I'm protecting myself from getting hurt by memories.

I have decided to take "alone" time.. spend more time for myself, family and just enjoy life as it is. No relationship drama. it's all about ME. (I know I sound so selfish but I think I needed to be). I was thinking to take celibacy... but I don't think I can, maybe.. for couple of months.. I think its too much. I still need sex.

Not long after I made that decision, my passion for traveling and trying new adventure just erupted. It's like a brand new me. The thirst of something new.. to get away and live my life. To actually do it instead of wish/what if.

so here I am.
sharing my new resolutions..

1. Start a blog (I used to be afraid to start one, afraid it'll be boring or grammatically incorrect. Now I don't give a shit. haha.. Blog give me something to do)
2. Buy a Lomo camera (already order one thru internet shopping)
3. A weekend trip to Singapore.
4. Visit my very bestfriend in Perth *around Sept 2011 ( I know it's another year, but I need to save up money first :-p)
5. Early next year, I would Love to go to Aceh. (I'm half Aceh btw) I want to visit the Baiturrahman Mosque and go diving or snorkeling at Pulau Weh. I heard there's a lot of SHARKS in Pulau Weh and I'm a Selachophobia, fear of shark!!!!! but I still want to go! what the hell!!)
6. Do some Paragliding! oh yeah.. I'm also have a fear of heights!!! Acrophobia.
7. Learn wall-climbing (just need to find where to learn in South Jakarta)
8. Take Diving lessons and license.
9. Nude-Art model... (better now, while I still can flaunt it.. hahaha before all turn saggy)
10. Solve f*n Rubik's Cube

Doing all the stuff that fears me the most? 
remind me like one scene from Eclipse, where Bella do all this life-threatening-action just to see Edward ghost. I'm not planning to kill myself so I can see my x-ghost but, I guess I want to do all that 'cus I just want to do it. Feel the excitement.
there's still some adrenaline pumping-extreme-heights sport I won't do, like bungee jump, sky diving and more.


and planning all this stuff distract me from thinking about "him" and keep me focus on the bright side of life. Opening a new door to adventure.. live... living.. 
just enjoying every moment. Be a new ME.
Plus, keep focusing on all of his negative! *I deserve better!!!! hahaha I'm so mean. Good. }=)


Ramadhan, fasting month have ended. I can't wait to eat more, explore more and drink more cocktails. 
ok I think that's it for now..
Nite2


S

Day with my Steve

Dear Mr. Cocktail,

It's been a hard month for me. Breaking up/on a break with someone is always hard, sad and hurts. Even tho' you know deep inside you're doing the right thing. But, being a woman.. your heart and head rarely think on the same page.

I wore my Steve Madden. Ready for drinks and pouring my heart out.

Cork & Screw, Shiraz & Triple Chocolate Melt.

After work I went with my colleague, Ms, K to Cork & Screw in Wisma Kodel. We decided to go there 'cus it's near from where we work, we just can't be bothered with the traffic & we had late dinner plan that night so going home sounds like wasting our time stuck in traffic jam.

We got there, we order drinks. I order Bailey on the rock (not in the mood to drink wine, wine make me sleepy) and I order this dessert Ms. told me that I have to try. "it's the best chocolate melt". Ms. K order a glass of Shiraz

The Triple Chocolate Melt!!!! is delicious! Nyum! it was sooo good I feel bad eating it. Around 6 pm, it start to get crowded. People coming in either to break fasting (I never tried the food, next time I will) or just relaxing after hard day at work.

and I have to say, the ambiance was cozy, not so dark - not so bright, the music was not too loud so you can still held a conversation, the service was excellent. lots of smile and very attentive. Thumbs up. The only creepy things is the security guy is keep on staring at our table. Maybe he grew suspicious on what I write all the time. But, still creepy...  

We talk about life and how I'm handling my break up/ on a break thing, talk about work and so on. After awhile, I ask for the menu. Feeling for some cocktail. Cork & Screw also serve beers, cocktail and mocktails. Took me couple of minutes to find the cocktail I haven't try before.. and I found "C.C.C.P" Classic Cosmo Cocktail with Cotton Candy (the cotton candy drew my curiosity). When I was about to order, my boss called Ms. K meeting at the The Ritz Carlton. :-/

Note to self: I need to had that C.C.C.P next time. We pay our bill, and off we go to the Ritz.

Cut story short, I'm able to spare some of my time to see my friend Asti painting exhibition at The Ritz Carlton. I promise her to visit :-) and I did. yey!!
after the meeting, Mr. K, my Boss and I went to Sunter for a late Indian food dinner at Queen's of India, Sunlake Hotel. It's quite far. When we got there as usual I order my fav non-spicy Indian food - Paneer makhani with Roomali and couple of Aloogobi.

finish dinner we went to Kemang for Shisha at The Little Baghdad, mint with sprite and couple of lemon slice - that's my usual shisha flavor. It's the perfect taste for a hot humid weather like Jakarta. We joke around and talk, taking pictures till 1.30 am. then I head back home...

On my way home, I kept on thinking.. about what happen in my relationship. Focusing on his negative, telling myself that I worth so much more (and I am). Telling myself, that I'm going to be fine (and I will)..

Got home, tired, sleepy and my foot are aching I went straight to bed, not looking forward to work the next day knowing after work a new drama is waiting for me. I close my eyes, tears falling on my pillow.

"I miss your kiss"

Night-night

S